Mission

The first year of my mission I posted a picture a month.  I miss doing that, so I will begin again, starting this month, the first month of my third year serving!  Three years, imagine that!  I love serving, learning, feeling the Spirit, meeting people from around the world, and being in the Library.  Over the next year I will show you some fun pictures of the Library!

 Across the street from the Library

 Purple Iris' remind me of my grandmother!

I NEVER tire of the view I see as I walk from the back parking lot!

Age

"The fact was I didn't want to look my age, 

but I didn't want to act the age I wanted to look either.  

I also wanted to grow old enough to understand that sentence."

---Erma Bombeck 1979

It’s hard to drive forward, looking in the rear view mirror

Widowhood is difficult because you are trying to move forward with life and the rest of the world, but your thoughts, dreams, memories and heart all remain in the yesterday. 

One difficult aspect of moving forward is all of the tugs physically and emotionally pulling me backwards.  Every day I wake up and the calendar and time meanders forward, and the world moves onward.  Everything around me moves with the current of progression, but I am like the sand bar in the middle of a fast moving river.  I watch everyone and everything rush past me…going forward…living…growing…but I am stuck…I am the ridge in the middle of the river, holding still…catching debris…listening to the rush and watching the bustle…I am stuck…held back…immobile…

As I have tried to take steps to move forward, I feel him near me; I feel him surround me and be with me and I am reminded of the past days and past memories of him.  I am reminded he is not part of today or tomorrow.  I am pulled backwards into yesterday and of being with him.

As I have tried to flow forward with the river, my dreams are taken over by his presence, actions, voice and touch; I awake and am reminded of the past, feelings, hopes, and dreams.  I am left with the sweetness of being with him, but the void of his true presence in the here and now.

A song on the radio will shock me back to yesterday in a split second.  A flash of a memory will hijack me to the past.  Anniversaries, holidays and birthdays all transport me to what was. 

It’s difficult to live forward when I keep getting pushed backwards into yesterday.  It is like walking against a strong head wind every.single.day…it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s that it is impossible too.

The girls have curls...

 Wild, wild, wild, curls!

No curls yet, but maybe?

Thank you girls, son-in-laws, and grandchildren for making it a great mother's day!  

Love you all very much!

100% Preventable

Twenty-five years ago today was the worst drunk driving crash in history and it happened in Kentucky when a drunk hit a bus carrying 67 people, nearly all children. The crash killed 27 people (24 were children). Still today, 27 people die each day as a result of drunk driving--the equivalent of one Kentucky bus crash everyday. There is a new documentary film, called IMPACT: AFTER THE CRASH which tells some of the powerful stories of loss and healing. PLEASE HUG YOUR LOVED ONES A LITTLE TIGHTER TODAY AND TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM. This DUI problem our society has is 100% PREVENTABLE, and yet 27 people die each day!

 See more here at MADD

Unexplainable

Recently I have just found out that another beautiful woman I know has had trouble having babies.
Infertility.
Yuck.
It seems to me that it is more common now than it used to be...makes me wonder.

Anyway, as I thought about an email I wanted to send this person I remembered the things that I have had to tell another woman close to me. So, here is an open letter to you beautiful wanna be mothers that are traveling down this painful road:

 

Dear Sweetheart,

I am so very sorry that you are having to travel down this painful road. I am so sorry that your tender sweet-precious-heart has to endure the pain and suffering of this awful affliction.

Let me assure you of what I know: you have done nothing to deserve this. It is not because of something you have or have not done. It is not because of your lack of faith—if “everything” was solely determined on faith, there would be no infertility—but it isn't. There are other factors involved, but I don't necessarily know what they are—that is the “faith” part.

But what I do know is this; life is real and it never follows our plans. Things happen. Things don't happen. This is life, it never goes as planned, I am sorry you have to learn this here and now and in this manner.

I know you would be an awesome mother. You are an awesome person and motherhood would fit you perfectly and I also know, you would serve that role honorably.

Remember this you are a beautiful woman. Your husband loves you. Heavenly Father loves you. Heavenly Father never gives us more than we can handle, but life does; and when it does, Heavenly Father sends His angels to help us through.

No words can take away the sting and ache of the pain your empty arms must feel, but know always, many people love you and want to help you and hug you through this. And remember from our Savior, “My peace I give unto you.”

 

May you find peace and comfort.