Unexplainable

Recently I have just found out that another beautiful woman I know has had trouble having babies.
Infertility.
Yuck.
It seems to me that it is more common now than it used to be...makes me wonder.

Anyway, as I thought about an email I wanted to send this person I remembered the things that I have had to tell another woman close to me. So, here is an open letter to you beautiful wanna be mothers that are traveling down this painful road:

 

Dear Sweetheart,

I am so very sorry that you are having to travel down this painful road. I am so sorry that your tender sweet-precious-heart has to endure the pain and suffering of this awful affliction.

Let me assure you of what I know: you have done nothing to deserve this. It is not because of something you have or have not done. It is not because of your lack of faith—if “everything” was solely determined on faith, there would be no infertility—but it isn't. There are other factors involved, but I don't necessarily know what they are—that is the “faith” part.

But what I do know is this; life is real and it never follows our plans. Things happen. Things don't happen. This is life, it never goes as planned, I am sorry you have to learn this here and now and in this manner.

I know you would be an awesome mother. You are an awesome person and motherhood would fit you perfectly and I also know, you would serve that role honorably.

Remember this you are a beautiful woman. Your husband loves you. Heavenly Father loves you. Heavenly Father never gives us more than we can handle, but life does; and when it does, Heavenly Father sends His angels to help us through.

No words can take away the sting and ache of the pain your empty arms must feel, but know always, many people love you and want to help you and hug you through this. And remember from our Savior, “My peace I give unto you.”

 

May you find peace and comfort.

 

 

Mom-of-the-Year-Award

I never received the award.

Sure, I could probably get it now that all my children are all raised and don't live with me, but that would be silly; receiving it now would be like getting an MVP award after you retire!!!

So, I thought I would just let all you mom's out there know one thing....

...go easy on yourself!

...be kind to yourself!

...take it easy on yourself!

 

If Heavenly Father wanted perfect-wonderful-always patient-mothers then motherhood would begin at 60 years old and not one day earlier!

But Heavenly Father didn't want perfect-wonderful-always patient-mothers, He wanted His beautiful daughters to learn and grow WITH their beautiful children! He wanted you, just the way you are. So my advice,

...go easy on yourself!

...be kind to yourself!

...take it easy on yourself!

 

Now mommies, pat yourself on your back you are doing good, and go out and have a wonderful day and love on those babies while they are still little.

 

Life

I just barely get everything fixed and new things break!  I just got the computer fixed and the new one up and running, and now  the central vacuum broke (I LOVE my central vac system and miss it dearly!), the windshield on the car has a crack, the DVD player/sound system is broken and the television has no sound.  Seriously!

Don't tell, but I'm almost sick of genealogy!  (Yep you heard it here, but ever say it out loud and I'll deny it!)  I have been serving my mission, just signed up for another two years (they changed the rules so I had to "sign up" twice; once the old way and then according to the new procedure!), I spoke in Sacrament about family history work, began indexing and have indexed over 2,000+ names, researched and found the Roberts Family in the 1940 census, kept the Roberts family blog updated regularly, worked shifts at the Eagle Mt. Family History Library, and helped two separate families in our ward individually on a weekly basis teaching them family history and research.  Plus, the newsletter is due this month, and finally, I'm preparing a family history trip with my dad to Iowa.

Crazy!  Especially since it is getting to be crunch time on gathering all of the needed information for the trip to Iowa.  I would hate to travel and spend all that time and money only to find out that a key piece of information or a document was available at the FHL.  So, I am trying to do extensive searches everywhere I know  before I leave.

With the release of the 1940 census, I was able to find most of the Roberts family that were alive in 1940--however I looked at over 382+ images to locate everyone!  Then, I had to copy and add that information to my genealogy program.  I'm still working on adding the information to my database, however I was able to link everyone to the source from the blog.  That took a whole day! 

I was able to spend a couple of days with a dear friend while her daughter was recuperating in the hospital.  I miss spending time with her on a daily basis, but will always treasure the time and the fun we were able to have. 

Finally, the Nieman's went on vacation, and I missed them terribly!  So, glad they are home and close; just knowing they were further than usual was difficult--what if I needed loves from those sweet grandchildren?!?

Easter was quiet.  Home alone while everyone was busy doing their thing, that's life (and death).  Afraid that is getting to be a pattern for holidays!  I also went through all my old poems to add to this blog!  That was fun/interesting/memorable/sad and insightful! 

So, this is what I've been up, what have you been doing?

Family

                                  

"To us, family means putting your arms 

around each other and being there."

-Barbara Bush

Isn't that just a sweet thought!  However, I remember many days when the idea of putting my arms around my family members would have probably ended squeezing too tightly.

Crazy, but I miss those days.  I miss the business of laundry, cooking, cleaning, children fighting, and yelling.  I miss the warmth of sharing evening with loved ones, hugs, smiles, and the silly things children say.

I miss the hectic moments looking for lost items; the tired legs from baking all day; the silliness and laughs at dinner.  I miss toothpaste in the sink, dirty bedrooms and piles of laundry.  I miss crumbs on the kitchen floor, fingerprints on the windows, and lights being left on.  

I miss it all, crazy as it sounds.

I am glad I have the sweet memories.

I have been so blessed to be a mother.

This past week,

I have been busy doing family history work, usual life stuff, trying to pass another kidney stone and yesterday I was able to hang out with some of my grandchildren.

I just love them.

I believe grandchildren are the frosting on life's cupcake!

They are the sunshine of my days and the warmth of my nights!

I  am really missing Mr. M and Mr. K and the new little Mr. Joe.  I was planning on heading up there today, however, because of the stink eye and my dogs, I cannot go up until tomorrow!

But, when I finally get there I'm gonna get me some grand-baby loving, some grandson teasing, and some sweet sweet smiles.

Two hours is toooooooo far from Grandma.

You know, as I type this and gush over my sweet grandchildren, I have to give credit to all of my children and their spouses.  They are all such great parents and take such wonderful care of my grandchildren.  I don't ever have to worry about any of them because I know they are in good/safe/protected/loving/nurturing/faithful/kind hands.  No, we don't always see eye-to-eye, but I know no matter what they (my children and my children-in-laws) will always do what they think is best for my grand-babies!  This is such a blessing and a relief, which leaves me with just being able to love my grandchildren. I am so blessed.

Have a great Saturday and love your families.

Gratitude

Things I am grateful for:

• The dear friend who brought over home made lasagna, who even though she knocked and I didn't answer the door, checked and walked right in.  I needed her but was too down to answer the door.
• The sweet little waitress in San Diego who served clam chowder with lemons and Tabasco sauce. Yummy.  That's the only way I can now eat clam chowder.
•  Life Insurance.  It has eased my path down the grief road.  I am very blessed.
• Learning how to use power tools and to mud sheet rock.
• Travel to Florida with my BFF
• Travel to Hawaii with another BFF
• Travel to Las Vegas and Yellowstone with two of my BFF's
• Grandchildren who were just with their papa Joe, and now are in my arms.
• The plan of Salvation, temple sealings and my faith in God
• My children
• The Internet that allows me connect with the outside world.
• My mission at the Family History Library, it has given my life meaning and service.
• Home teachers who come and visit each month
• DVR
• My BMW and never ever ever having to find my keys!!!
• Learning to play the piano 
• Hugs from my grandchildren
• Good neighbors
• A warm bath
• A quilt and a cool breeze while I sleep
• My IPad

My family

This cutie little boy

married this cute little girl

and these are their beautiful children

Family Tree

For Christmas my oldest daughter gave me a tree and little note that says:

Here is a simple tree to place upon your wall.

Please place around the pictures of your family.

The ones you hold dear.

This simple tree will then become,

An extraordinarily unique one.

For this simple tree will then

Represent you and your family tree.

Here's where it hangs in my stairwell with my family pictures.  

10 Things I Learned...

from being a Mom. (in no particular order!)
1. You can't "make" a two-year-old do anything!
2. You can't "make" a teenager do anything.
3. It is possible for three children to bathe and yet the soap is dry, but the floor is wet!
4. Someone always spills their milk at dinner!
5. Big children, BIG problems!
6. When they grow up and move out, you miss it all!
7. You can never snuggle a child enough!
8. Clean bedrooms don't matter, just close the door!
9. When they grow up to be incredibly wonderful people, it is ALL worth it!
10. Turns out they can hear you; they are just not listening!

I miss my "children" but I love watching them create and live their own lives. They are doing terrific at being adults and I learn so much from them.

I am grateful for my sweet children and their families!

The Church is Scaffolding for our Lives

"I believe that more than anything else this is because the Church is the scaffolding for both our families and professional lives. … I know scaffolding allows me to reach heights I could not reach otherwise, and do things I could not otherwise reach. ... If we stay firmly centered on the scaffolding of the Church we remain safe and protected. ..."


(Elder L. Tom Perry of the Quorum of the Twelve, The Church is Scaffolding for our Lives, LDS Church News, Friday, 27 January 2012.)

As I read this article, I thought about how the "scaffolding allows me to reach heights I could not reach otherwise, and do things I could not otherwise reach." Four major events in my life came to my mind as I read this article; two events I selected and two events selected me. The two I selected are marriage and motherhood. These two life events have formed and shaped my life. They taught me things I needed to learn and gave me blessings beyond wonderful. However, I found both of these life events were easier, more rewarding, and I was better at them, with the Lord by my side.


The other two life-changing events that selected me were Relief Society President and widow. I chose neither of these two events, however they have allowed me to "reach heights I could not reach otherwise and do things I could not otherwise" do. The scaffolding of the Gospel has given me the tools I have needed to get through these two life changing experiences that found me on my knees several times a day. I am able to do things I never thought possible and these positive changes have become a permanent part of a better me. I cannot imagine doing either without the Lord; luckily you don’t have to serve as an auxiliary president without the Lord, however widowhood, calls weather you are have the Lord in your life or not!


Because widowhood can be such a dark, dreary, and scary road to travel down alone, I cling to that promise that Elder Perry gave, “If we stay firmly centered on the scaffolding of the Church we remain safe and protected. ...”.

Have a happy peaceful Sunday peeps.

Baby Shower

December 17, 2011
Baby shower for son and daughter-in-law:

cupcakes

Rollo snowmen

table decorations

We served cheesy potato soup, creamy wild rice soup, and homemade chicken noodle soup with rolls, vegetable tray, and tossed salad, punch and cupcakes.

Thank you everyone for coming.  I hope it gave you a minute to catch your breath and enjoy a meal during the busy holiday season.

Things I am grateful for:

1. A new grandson
2. A wonderful daughter-in-law & son that will raise new grandson in love and the Gospel
3. Friends and family who supported and attended the baby shower

Christmas 2011

Christmas was nice.  Dinner included Dad and his wife, the in-laws, niece "K", both daughters and their families and son and his wife, and little sister and her husband.  Total 19 people.
We ate turkey, ham, yams, potatoes & gravy, jalapeno stuffing, homemade cranberry sauce, raspberry & pretzel jello salad, rolls, vegetable tray with Ranch dip (and yummy sweet pickles), tossed salad, broccoli & cheese, green bean casserole, deviled eggs, and fresh garden corn. And I made a punch with limeade and Sprite, with cut up oranges and lemons, with cranberries.  It turned out very yummy!  Even used the punch bowl from my wedding, haven't pulled it out for ages.  It was kind of fun!

Food was great.
Gifts were great.
Children were fun.


Pictures. . . well the camera sat on the counter. . .and I never used it.
Funny how frequently I do that!
Oh well, here are pictures of the grand-children's pillow cases I painted and gave them:

the planets and spaceships

flowers

farm animals

space ships and glow in the dark aliens

hoping everything nice will rub off in her sleep!

Things I am grateful for:

1. The birth of the Savior
2. The Gospel
3. My family & friends
4. Church on Christmas Day

Christmas Decorating

Last night we trimmed the tree, carefully placed our beloved Christmas decorations around the house while Christmas music and the peppermint candle filled the air.  Afterwards, we sipped hot cocoa in the dark and watched the Christmas lights twinkle with the merriment of the season.

NOT

It has taken me two weeks to drag up a few containers and place a few things around the house.  I tripped over the plastic totes and grumbled over having to decorate.  

Finally yesterday while bawling like a baby,  I took a Xanax and was able to get through the tears, and memories, and I finished putting up the tree and decorating it.

I guess the Christmas decorating tears are for missing what used to be.  Everything I pulled out reminded me of Joe or the children, and there is some sadness because I miss that season of my life.  It was fun and it was a blast, and stressful and busy.  I miss the excitement and the wonderment of the season, but I am in a new season now and although it is not one I choose, I am here and it's not bad--just a little lonely. 

I think the writers block I have suffered since the spring and summer has lifted.  I know now you are all thinking, "help, she won't shut up."  

Can you imagine something being so painful that it would prevent you from doing something you enjoyed and loved.  Who would have thought that it would take 7 years to finally be able to put pen to paper.  Grief is an unpredictable road to travel and hopefully none of you will have to experience it.  


Things I am grateful for:
1.  While Christmas decorating no one fought.
2.  The tree didn't fall over
3.  The tree wasn't taller than the ceiling
4.  The lights worked before and after they were put on the tree.
5.  I have good memories of past Christmas' to miss.