It's coming...

In October I decided to grow out my hair including the grey.  That was not the smartest time-period to make a decision-- hiding under the covers during the two week period of your anniversary and your husband's deathaversary! (There were other life altering decisions I made that week, but none so noticeable!)

So almost 10 months later I look like a calico cat!  There's the dark brown that my hair was originally colored.  Then there is the blonde that the hairdresser told me "would help grow out the grey."  Next there is the original brown color of my hair and finally there is the ultimate grey!  Yep calico!

The reason I'm growing out my hair is I that I like life on my own terms.  Because of the various autoimmune stuff going on, I have scalp problems every now and then, and I'm afraid that one of these days I won't have the ability to make the decision.  So, I thought I would make the choice while I was still able to make it.

One comment I get is, "why are you letting it go grey, you're not that old." 
Yep I am. 
If I can naturally grow grey, then I am that old. 

I have decided that in order to go grey you have to be pretty secure with who you are and where you stand in society.  You have to withstand all of the comments and stares.  Widowhood is the same, you have to withstand all the comments and the stares.  Going grey you have to withstand society's view of "old" and "grey" and "mature" and it is even more intimidating when you are already a widow which also conjures up those same descriptions. Double whammy!

The next response from the crowd is, "I want to go white, you know that really pretty white."  My response is how do you think you get to white--G-R-E-Y!

You  can chose to color or not to color, but you cannot chose between grey and white!  Seriously, if that were the case then all the "salt & peppers" and "dingy grey's" would also be white!

With my approaching birthday I feel old enough to match the grey and the number.  It is funny how widowhood will age you---the wrinkles, stress, anxiety, loneliness, tears, carrying a hankie and regular visits to the cemetery do not add to one's youth!

Joe will always be 43 years old, I have aged and another one is coming and it's a biggie.


But what's a girl to do???
Go grey!!!!
Yay!!!!

Enough ranting about the big birthday and the hair color decision.  It is too late now to turn back on either!