Fiddlesticks

It hit on Sunday, and it has not been this bad for years.

Yes, years.

Grief is back, the big G-R-I-E-F.
I mean the kind of grief that sneaks upon you, slugs you in the stomach, collapses you and squeezes your heart until it explodes.  The kind of grief that creates primal animal noises from your gut.  The kind of grief that leaves your eyes raw and red.  The kind of grief that smothers you so you cannot breathe.  That kind of grief.

The big one is coming.
It is bringing me much reflection and for the first time,  survivors guilt*! 



*(that is one of the grief stages I haven't dealt with yet!)