Day 1--Everyone is there for you: friends, family, in-laws, funeral directors, church members, ecclesiastical leaders, attorneys, neighbors, friends of friends, cousins of cousins, co-workers of your spouse, everyone for one reason or another.
Day 2--Paperwork and logistics of it all--banks, credit unions, utilities, car titles, life insurance, medical insurance, cell phone companies, etc. FYI just because one business adjusted/fixed/updated records easily, doesn't mean the next business will do the same. They all have rules and regulations. Seriously?!?
Day 3--Calls & mail. No one has got the message he's dead, even if they paid out on his death, or closed his account. And, no one from one department passes that death information on to the next department. So, lucky-grieving-widow gets to do that. Of course they over apologize like that will make their stupid phone call disappear from your memory.
Day 4--Friends. Your husbands friends are gone, because they either don't care or it is too painful for them to see you and be a reminded of their loss. Your friends are iffy.
Day 5--Family. You look well you must be doing okay. Your in-laws are suffering in their grief too, which sometimes does not include you, or if it includes you it is now in a different way.
Day 6--The vultures are waiting for you. Repairmen, attorneys, family--yep with their hands out, and even some friends.
Day 7--Life insurance/insurance--Jump through the hoops and we'll mail you a check. Beware. They might want their money back! Seriously? Yep being over paid is common; or I seem to know a lot of widows who are the rarity. I was contacted FOUR years after the fact asking to return hundreds of dollars! A friend was over paid tens of thousands of dollars and had to send back the overpayment amount. You would think that this would be one area in life where accuracy was very important. Kinda like surgery, some things you just can't take back.
Day 8--Call me...A new widow cannot even crawl out of bed some days and your waiting for her call, seriously? You can dial 7 numbers to find out how I am or I, who just buried my husband can dial 7 numbers to tell you how I am. Hummmm. And, if I do call, what exactly can you do? Call me if you need anything; can you bring him back? Can you make the pain end? Can you further along the grief process? What exactly should I call you for?
Day 9--Gawkers--They just want to know if your going to move, remarry, lose your mind, and how much life insurance did you get. They are there only to watch the train wreck. Luckily, they will soon move on the the next event.
Day 10--Family. Finally those family members teetering on the edge from Day 5 will let go and move on only to contact you on holidays and when mandatory announcements need to be made: births, weddings, deaths and illnesses.
Day 11--Friends. Finally those friends teetering on the edge from Day 4 will let go and move on only to speak to you when you run into them in the community.
Day 12--All that are left are those TRUE friends, family, and neighbors who can handle helplessly watching your pain and grief. These are the angles who God sends. These are they who will hold your hand and dry your tears. These angles will reach out to you expecting nothing in return. These are angles who remember you when their lives are busy, busy busy. These are the home and visiting teachers who actually stop by and visit. These are the people in your life who actually pick up the phone and call. These are the people who Mosiah speaks about: mourn with those who mourn.
(Note: this post is not meant to blame anyone, the intent is rather to warn the new widow on the road of grief, and maybe give perspective to those who know a widow. After all, widows are walking down this new road, and similarly, their friends, family and acquaintances are also walking down an unfamiliar road.)
No comments:
Post a Comment