Who would have thought that a teddy bear would remind me of how much the grief still hurts? When my sister gave me these sweet bears I gasped like I had been hit in the stomach. Sweet Sister had Joe's shirts made into Teddy bears for me and my family. Joe's shirts brought back too many painful memories of holding him and being in his arms. I took the two opaque bags containing the bears out of the car and set them on the counter. Just a peek and I began to cry, so I closed up the bag and left it alone. The next morning, I again peeked in the bag and got a little teary. Throughout the day as I passed the bag I thought, "am I strong enough now to take them out?" The lump in my throat told me no. Just before bed last night, I pulled the bears out of the bags and set them all on the counter, I then shed a few tears and went to bed.
Today I passed the bears, cried and went about my day. I still haven't taken mine out of it's bag--it will probably take a few more days. I am reminded of how this experience is to grief. Just when I think I am doing okay, it hits me that it still hurts really bad. It doesn't matter how strong I am or how much faith I have, when your best friend dies everyday is painful. You cannot love someone and lose them and not feel the pain, nor can you love someone without feeling the joy that love brings.