Grief

In his blog, Tom Zuba questions:  Are there really 5 stages of grief?  He goes on to write:
"If you are working with a therapist, counselor, social worker, grief expert, minister, priest, or anyone else who is trying to help you navigate the wilderness of grief and they start talking about
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ 5 stages of grief
denial
anger
bargaining
depression
and acceptance
suggesting that there is a linear, predictable order to grief please, please, please do yourself a favor and run as far away from that person as fast as you can.  That “expert” does not know grief."

I totally agree and could not have said it better, but then Mr. Zuba really hits it home when he describes:
"Grief is wild,
and messy
and unpredictable
and uncertain
and ever-changing and unsettling
and unnerving."

Agreed!  It is so ironic because, at one point I was thinking of the five stages of grief and I had decided that my grief process was more like a combination of the five stages and crying.  My grief is like water colors bleeding into each other; emotions running into each other and clouding each other.  My grief has been a combination of grief stages.   (...and you know, I never really went through one of the commonly accepted stages...hummmmm...better check into that!)

Here are MY 5 stages of grief:

Tear---watery eyes and maybe one tear gently down the cheek.
Tears---a couple of tears escape before you realize it, and roll gently down your cheek.
Sob---tears that you cannot stop along with a lump in your throat.
Sobs---crying and tears that you cannot stop, usually pretty ugly--red nose, red eyes and blotchy face.
Grief cry--that gut wrenching primal cry that sounds like death itself.  It makes you lightheaded, nauseated, and weak.  Quickly followed by the fetal position.


Here's Tom Zuba's blog post I refer to above.

Quote

"We are children of God.  Each one of us is precious to the point of bringing the Lord God Almighty to a fulness of joy if we are faithful, or to tears if we are not."

---M. Russell Ballard

My Favorite...

I just finished a personal assessment test that asked:  what is your favorite color?

In most aspects of my life I am very opinionated and know what I want.  When eating out, I generally have an idea of what I'm in the mood for.  Choosing clothes, buying a house or a car, or even painting a wall I know what I do or don't like!  Overall, choices don't leave me in a quandary...that is until I am asked:  what is your favorite color!

My answer is this:
My favorite color is green--the green of a Crayola crayon, the green of freshly mowed summer grass, and the green of pine needles on the Christmas tree.
My favorite color is yellow--bright yellow walls, curtains and daffodils.
I love blue--the blue of the sky, the blues of a lake and the blues of my grand babies eyes!
I love the color black:  the classic look of a black skirt and black jacket, the shine of onyx and black marble, the distinguished look of Joe's black casket, and the black keys on the piano.
I love red:  Christmas red.  I love cranberry red nail polish, and the deep red color of beets and strawberries.
My favorite color is deep purple and light purple.  The purple of violets, lilacs, and petunias.  I love purple found in flowers and in water colors.
I love white--temple white and it's symbolic meaning.  I love fresh white snowfall and white clouds.
I like brown--deep chocolate as in the color and as in the taste!  I like deep rich brown cake and fudge frosting.  I like deep rich brown dirt and brown bark on a tree.
My favorite is the orange of pumpkins, pumpkin pie, oranges and fat little goldfish.

I also like bright turquoise, pink (light, dark and hot), deep coral, and lime green.
I like the syrupy look of topaz, the yummy richness of black cherry and the red/orange of desert sandstone.

So, what is my favorite color?  I just don't have one, but rather all colors are my favorite!

My Mission--September 2013

Old cabin and flowers

Grief

Sometimes I just have to focus on the sun warming and heating my arm and not the pain in my heart.

Breathe in breathe out.

Focus on the here and now, be conscious of the moment.

Quotes

"Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin;..."
-Jesus (A.D. 1st cent.) Matthew 6:28

"Consider the effortlessness with which flowers grow and bloom and share their glory. We are like flowers, each individual, each unique - and yet, how often do we try to change our colors to fit in with a particular landscape? We can learn from the simplicity and beauty of nature. We can choose to bloom where we are planted."

-Lissa Coffey

"Earth laughs in flowers."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

And so it begins. . .

Happy birthday sweetheart,

I miss you. . .

It's that time of year and so begins the sad journey of anniversaries. 

Two weeks ago, I said, bring it on.  

Last week, I said, do I have to again?

And today I say, here we go again...as I stand with my feet firmly planted on the treadmill of life.

Maybe if I didn't love him so much and he wasn't such a wonderful husband and father it wouldn't hurt so bad.

Maybe if I didn't believe how much his grandchildren need him it wouldn't hurt so bad.

Maybe if I could have said good-bye, it wouldn't hurt so bad.

Maybe if I didn't miss his humor, it wouldn't hurt so bad.

Maybe. . .