Knocking it outta the park...

in blog posts this year!

Here are my stats:
2011--52 posts
2010--70 posts
2009--56 posts
2008--31 posts

This year 2012 I have posted over 150 times!  And I still have a couple of months left!

Wow...
that's allot of hot air!!!!

I have to thank  Blog Her.com/NaBloPoMo whose challenge, to blog every day for a month, I participated in for 3 separate months.  These challenges got me into the habit of regular blogging and of keeping a list of things I want to blog about.  Thank you NaBloPoMo for a good habit.  Even though I don't blog everyday, I regularly check out their site and maybe again when I'm up for it, I'll take the challenge again!

It's the little things. . .

When someone dies, you grasp and grab and hang onto everything "theirs."  You save their clothes, their notes and handwriting.  You save voice mails and messages.  You save everything you can, just to remind everyone in this world; he was alive, he was here, he mattered.

As memories begin to fade and time ticks forward, you hang onto everything "them."

"Effects of. . .", it's never an envelope you want to get,  but you know you grasp and grab and hang onto everything "theirs."

Just a thought. . .

Sometimes we want something so bad 

that we have to close our eyes and not see what is really there, 

but you can't expect everyone else 

to have their eyes closed too...

Beautiful family & other pictures. . .

According to Mapquest it is only 8.62 miles to Grandma Janet's house, that's just enough time to fall asleep when you are really tired!!!

Finally a girl cousin!!!

Blessing day for an angel. . .

Very cute lady bug appitizers 

for my birthday party,

Cherry cheesecake birthday cake;
look at all of those candles!

Beautiful family. . .

 Pictures with sister. . .

 Sisters are better than brothers. . . just ask him. . .

 Beautiful sweet boy. . .

cousins. . .

Car Accidents

Yep, the BMW was crunched again.
Second time in 5 months.
Seriously annoying.
Neither was my fault, both times I was hit from behind.

The second accident happened and the poor lady that hit me was so shook up.  She was having a tough day to begin with and I felt really bad for her.  After she hit me, she called her husband and he came to the accident scene.  My son-in-law offered to come, but I told him I was okay and I didn't really need him.

I found myself telling this young woman, that this  bumper smash was just a bump in the road of life.  She had insurance, wasn't drinking, no one died, no one was hurt, and didn't hit me and run, so really this was in essence no big deal in the whole scheme of things.

That
is
pretty
sad,
when you look at a car accident with that criteria!

Now, the BMW is all put back together and looking just fine.
(I must admit both insurance companies I have had to work with have been great--thank goodness.)

The Dishes Gotta Get Clean!

Don’t get me wrong, I love nature and the environment and I appreciate and respect the fact that I cannot just go around desecrating what God has created for us.  I realize how fragile the environment is ----HOWEVER, yep, however…sometimes in people’s quest to MAKE everyone comply and to conform to their beliefs there ends up being unintended consequences, in this case, extra water and chemical use.

I am so irritated about the dishwasher detergent phosphate ban!

What once used to be a simple task, throwing my dishes in the dishwasher has now become a nightmare!

When I run my dishwasher, I currently use both cups full of detergent, Jet Dry, Lemi’ Shine and a cup of vinegar on the top shelf.  The dishes that get clean look like crap with white hard water deposit powered substance covering every single dish.

Seriously, we are not allowed phosphates so we get this!

How eco-friendly is my having to pre-wash AND wash AND re-wash every single dish I use?  I used to run my dishwasher once a week and maybe do a quarter of a sink of dishes twice during that week.  I am now running my dishwasher once a week, doing three full loads of dishes, pre-washing, and re-washing every single dish I put in the dishwasher.  Explain how that is more environmentally friendly than the old dishwasher detergent?

Yep, go you environmentalists!

Here is what I propose, I save the environment and conserve in my OWN way and I’ll allow you to do the same.  Keep the articles, the studies, and the research coming because I want to be informed and I want to know of ways that I can help out, however, quit taking away my choices, because YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR EVERYONE. 

After reading the reasons phosphates were removed from dish washing detergent, I have decided to quit using fertilizer on my plants and in my yard and, I will opt to use manure instead.  According to the articles that I have read, fertilizers also contribute to the damaging environmental effect on waterways.  So, now GIVE ME BACK my dish detergent!

 Don’t even get me started on the new light bulbs!

Sources:

 http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/19/science/earth/19clean.html

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/greenhouse/post/2010/06/16-states-ban-phosphate-laden-dishwasher-soap/1

http://www.cleaninginstitute.org/clean_living/faqs_phosphate_and_dishwasher_detergent.aspx

http://www.ksl.com/?nid=172&sid=12598586

http://www.ksl.com/?sid=21697644&nid=1010&title=diy-dishwasher-detergent-recipes-put-to-the-test&s_cid=queue-10

Quotes

"The Lord doesn’t care at all if we spend our days working in marble halls or stable stalls. He knows where we are, no matter how humble our circumstances. He will use—in His own way and for His holy purposes—those who incline their hearts to Him."

—Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "You Matter to Him", Liahona and Ensign, November 2011

"You may sometimes be tempted to say, ‘Will my influence make any difference? I am just one. Will my service affect the work that dramatically?’ I testify to you that it will. You will never be able to measure your influence for good."

—Thomas S. Monson, "Prophet, Apostles Speak at MTC Mission Presidents' Seminar", Church News and Events, June 29, 2012
See also:  D& C 64:33-34

Quote on Grief

"Grief has this funny way (and by funny, I mean torturing and un-called for irony) of re-shaping you into someone new. Not something you could have ever imagined, but something stronger, more durable. Someone a little more content with what you still have left, and little more appreciative of good things that come your way. Someone who knows the value of life.

And when you understand the value of life, you understand that it doesn't matter if what you do makes everyone else happy. It matters that you soak up every moment with the people who support you, value you, challenge you to be better, and love you no matter what you do."

Veronica king, 9 aug 2012. http://widowsvoice-sslf.blogspot.com/

Quote

"Each of us will be tested.  The Apostle Paul warned that in the latter days, those who diligently follow the Lord 'shall suffer persecution.'  That very persecution can either crush you into silent weakness or motivate you to be more exemplary and courageous in your daily lives."

--Russell M. Nelson, "Face the Future with Faith", Ensign May 2011

Quote

"Envy is an ugly thing. There will always be someone who had it easier or will do things better than you. It takes a smart person to work hard and make the best of what you've got...and a pathetic one to have sour grapes and feel they are owed what the other has. It's just a fact of life...you aren't just living for yourself...you are living for your posterity as well. Don't waste your time hating on others who had more opportunities...create them for yourself and your children."

--Erik Gumbretcht FaceBook post on 12 August 2012

When I read this post I agreed with it 100% and figured I could not say it better, so I quoted it, with permission of course!

It is so true.  Envy will turn you ugly.  Envy will destroy what you have because you are too busy wanting what someone else has.  Envy is the "grass is always greener" soldier leading to unwanted and unintended consequences.
  

Right around the corner is here...

a couple of months early!
Yep, it is that time of the year, the grief shrouded days of September, October, November and December.   September begins with Joe's birthday, our anniversary in October, his death anniversary in November, followed by Thanksgiving and Christmas (just holiday reminders of being alone)!

It seemed to start a little earlier this year, like in July, around my birthday.  The thoughts began with turning the big 50…

then they went down the road of Joe will never be older than 43 and he’ll never know 50…

then the thoughts turned to what have I done with the “extra” 8 years Joe never got?...

Have I used those years wisely?. . .

Then the thoughts focused on what he has missed in the 8 years:  the birth of 6 grandchildren, the marriage of his son, the baptism of our two oldest grandsons, the sunsets and sunrises, the laughter and joy of life…

and he was missing in our family pictures!

In August during Farrah’s and Athena’s birthdays I especially missed recounting their births and the beautiful women they have grown into.  He would be so proud of them.

So as Joe’s birthday approaches in September, I’m already beginning from a lower step on the grief staircase…Let’s just hope deathaversary #8 will be easier, heaven only knows I’m stronger!

You're SOOOOOO Strong

Yesterday I was told twice by two separate people that I was strong.  Hummmmmmm, I'm not so sure about that, but while contemplating the thought, I had a few other thoughts...

I have no choice, what are my options?
a.  my heart stops beating because it is broken?
b.  A magic fairy waves her magic want and Joe is alive again.
c.  None of the above

Guess what, news flash we don't get to choose, there is not magic fairy, so it's c-NONE OF THE ABOVE!

People don't see me on the days I cannot crawl out of bed, get dressed or quit crying.  But maybe that IS being strong--being gentle enough to allow those days and kind enough to the world that I don't show it.

One of the reasons I want to share this grief journey is I want everyone to know that this is NOT easy.  I NEVER want anyone to say, "But Janet made it look easy."  Nope, it's not.

There is a healing and maturity in honesty--not dwelling and not self pity.  

Friends

I just love it when you cross paths with friends you haven't spoken to in years.  

Life gets busy and we physically lose touch, 

but we still love and cherish sweet friendships!

I am very excited at the prospect of renewing "old" friendships!

Thought for the day. . .

You will never regret being obedient!

The Grim Reaper

is widowhood.

It robs you of who you are,

what you want to be,

your dreams,

your memories,

sleep,

comfort,

safety,

security,

stability,

love,

peace.

It robs you of 

innocence,

hope,

control,

optimism,

organization,

patience,

and

true love.

It steals

who you are,

how you see,

how you feel,

the real you is barely surviving 

your harsh reality.

Grief steals your

days,

hours,

months,

and years 

with tears,

avoidance,

depression, 

and sleep.

Death does not just snuff out one life,

it snuffs out two.