Vulnerable

Yes I am.

After Joe died I decided to go in and see about getting Lasik eye surgery to correct my vision.  I had insurance and I figured it was a good time to get something like that taken care of.

During the consultation, the doctor explained the surgery and then went on to explain the risks of the surgery.

I was suddenly paralyzed with fear--this was an elective surgery and if things went wrong. . .

If I cannot see I lose part of my independence.   When Joe was living, if I lost my sight it was different: he could drive me, help me shop, help me be independent, but as a widow I would need outside help; I would ultimately be dependent upon someone else.  It made me  realize how vulnerable I truly am.

. . .since it was an optional surgery I couldn't chance it!

A couple of weeks ago I hurt my foot.  Well actually I injured it and a week later it began to hurt.  I was faced with that vulnerability once again. . .then the grief comes knocking.  The grief and sadness of losing your other half; the one that is always there for you no matter what, the one that knows you better than yourself, the one that loves you enough to help you do anything and everything. 

The ironic part of this being vulnerable episode, is that a couple of weeks before I injured my foot, I had the flu.  It was the nasty I-wanna-die flu.  My head felt like it would explode.  My ears were plugged and I had to have the tv blaring; even the dogs were looking at me like "man that tv is really loud!"  For two weeks I laid on the couch sleeping, taking cold medicine, watching old movies and blowing my nose! 
I was too sick to cook.
I was too sick to clean.
I was too sick to think.

As a widow, I have learned to keep on hand:  Pepto, ginger ale, crackers, soup, cough syrup, cough drops, cold medicine and extra boxes of tissue---because there is no one to run to the store for you.  When I run out of these items I immediately replace them, because if there is anything I hate, it is going to the store when I don't feel well!

As I lay on the couch, I said to myself, this is the upside to being a widow:  First, I can be sick all alone without anyone bothering me!!!!  And secondly, I won't have to take care of a sick husband!!! 

You wives out there know exactly what I am talking about!!!

Isn't that how life is, my optimism during the flu was replaced a week later with my vulnerability when I injured my foot!

Movie Quote Monday. . .

"It's like I used to tell my wife:  I do not apologize unless I think I am wrong, and if you don't like it, you can leave; and I say the same thing to my current wife and I'll say it to my next one too!"

--Stanley, The Office, episode 77

I learned to always and freely admit when I am wrong.  Own it!  We are not sent here to always be right, but rather to learn and grow.  How can I learn and grow if I believe I am always right?  How do I teach my children to admit when they are wrong, if I, as their parent, cannot admit when I am wrong?

It is called humility, to admit when wrong and to admit when you don't know something.  Heavenly Father commanded us to be as a little child--humble teachable and how can you be humble and teachable if you are not open to the fact that you are wrong?

The only thing I have ever lost when I have admitted I was wrong was Stanley's attitude in the above quote.

Easter

Aunt Athena said that when the Easter Bunny eats the carrots 

he'll poop out jelly beans

. . .guess she was right!

It's the little things. . .

that we do for each other that make the big difference.  It is the kind word, the friendly smile, the friend who truly listens, the simple phrase of "thank you", the sweetness of "I love you" and the courtesy of friendly giving that makes the big difference.  If we all do a little something, allot of something will get done.

Life is short. . . .be nice. . .

Take time for those you love. . .

Because it is the little things, 

like this that will make your day!

 My first colored picture from my sweet little Joe!

(He doesn't look very happy because he wasn't sure he REALLY wanted to give it to me!!!)

Movie quote Monday

"Heads up!

Watch out for my butt!"

----Olaf in Frozen

Brothers...

I never had a brother so I will never understand, 

but as I look as these brothers I get a glimpse of brother love!

Beats sister drama any day!

I know, the writing in the personal blog department has been dwindling of late!

However, the writing for the Roberts family blog and newsletter is on fire!

So, if you want to read my writing, you'll have to bore yourself with family history!

Because as we all know--

I never run out of 

genealogy talk!!!

P.S.  I am keeping up with my journaling goal for 2014!  

But, you can't read that---

it just might be about you!!!

My Mission April 2014

Conference flowers!