Reality

It came in the mail.


I wasn't expecting it for another two months--but it's here staring me in the face.

May 10, 2011 my husbands killer gets out of prison.  According to our "judicial" system he has "paid" his debt to society.   Will he drink and drive again?








Here I sit pondering my reaction and I realize:
Forgiveness doesn't mean that I am not still angry. 
Forgiveness doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt every day.
Forgiveness doesn't mean that the tears don't regularly run freely.
Forgiveness doesn't mean that my heart is still broken in two.
Forgiveness doesn't mean that I miss his strong arms around me.
Forgiveness doesn't mean that I am not angry because my grand children don't know their grandpa.
Forgiveness doesn't mean that my husband's broken body doesn't still lie in the cemetery.

Forgiveness does mean that he is a son of Heavenly Father and because of our Savior's atoning sacrifice, he has the opportunity to be forgiven at the day of judgement.  Forgiveness means I will be standing there begging our Father and Savior to please forgive him and allow him his eternal progression, rather than the "eternal misery and gnashing of teeth." 

Forgiveness means that no matter the hurt, tears, broken heart, and anger, I feel for the pain he has caused me or my family,  I wish no ill or harm against him.  It means "all is well"  my brother.

Forgiveness means that I must rise against all hurt, pain and anger I feel and see that just like me he is a person who makes mistakes and deserves the atoning sacrifice of our Savior.

Forgiveness is like an onion, we deal with one layer at a time through our tears.