Calculations

While I was getting my nails done, I glanced up at the clock.  I mentally calculate; I could be outta here by 12:15 and at the library by 12:30.  Good then I can research until 4:30; 4 hours research.  Then I see Oct. 5.  I automatically calculate again: I have 20 days to get Joe an anniversary gift. 

Maybe it was all the nail polish fumes.

Maybe it was the relaxing pedicure.

Maybe it was just for one brief minute I forgot.

My eyes saw the date "Oct 5" and my mind calculated.

Seriously!

How can one spend EVERY-SINGLE-DAY-AND-NIGHT for the past almost 8 years grieving and in one single unsuspecting second forget!?!?!

My calculations slap me in the face. . .

Suddenly I cannot run and hide anymore. . .

The lump in my throat is because it is October. . .
Then
it
will
be
November!

As I sat in church yesterday, I wanted to bolt...now there is an "old-familiar-never-want-to-experience-again" feeling! 
Yep, it's that time of the year!

Three recent deaths and a funeral; and here I thought I was doing alright--until that darn clock!

Welcome crisp weather, beautiful leaves, and tears!