Myth Busters

 (This is not pretty, if you cannot handle it--look away!)

Widowhood jades your perspective.  Some of those common beliefs, well meaning people tell you to try and make you feel better, take on a different perspective when you lose your spouse.  These are just a few examples.  And, yep, I have said these to others before, but since Joe died, these philosophies take on a different meaning!

• "Pick up the pieces and put your life together."  It is really difficult to try and pick up the pieces when the majority of pieces are missing!

• "This life is such a short time in the eternal perspective." Try slamming your finger in the car door and leave it--while your finger is killing you, remember this life is just a split second compared to eternity!  Does the pain in you finger feel better?  What about now, feeling any better?

• "What doesn't kill us will make us stronger."  Nope losing my loved one should have killed me, but it didn't because my stupid strong heart won't quit beating.  Not my fault.  Not that strong, just a young heart. No heart head connection!

• "God doesn't give us more than we can handle."  Nope, God doesn't, but life will,  and when it does, God sends angles to help us.  (Thank you to all my angles. I love you.)

• "(Insert deceased spouse's name here) wouldn't want you to waste away and be this sad."  REALLY, then maybe I should die and he can see if he'll do better.  I'm willing to let him or anyone else give it a try. 

• "How are you doing?"  I used to say, "Some days are bad and the rest are worse."  Seriously, how do you honestly answer that question?  I don't know, but this "polite greeting" rolls off ones tongue before they can think...even I have said this since widowhood to other widows!

• "You shouldn't be alone."  Remarry, date, etc.  Sure that will make all the grief go away.  I'm older now, I know there is NO prince charming to make it all better, but rather how about entering into a new relationship with all the "new relationship dynamics" and add grief to the mix!  That makes sense.  I can imagine a "boyfriend" being okay with tears for the deceased husband!  Not!

I look at things differently since widowhood.  I view the world through different eyes.  I know death and dying, I know pain and sadness, loneliness and grief.  Don't try and make it better, you can't, no one and nothing can make it better.  Just allow me and others the pain and love of missing them.

Sometimes the only way to reach the end is through.  This is just me verbally going "through" the grief...And hopefully somewhere along the way it helps someone else.