Tagalong:

one that persistently and often annoyingly follows the lead of another.

Yep, after 7 years I feel persistent and yep, I find it very annoying.  

 By default, I am the definition of “tag-a-long”.  I don’t set out to be a tagalong, I don’t fantasize how to be a tagalong.  I don’t want to be a tag along.  

 It’s my position in society by default.

At Thanksgiving dinner, family get-togethers, dinner with friends, weddings, restaurants, movies, vacations and all other social activities:  I either go “stag” or I “tagalong.”

Over the past seven years, it has begun to chip at the strength I am able to muster.

I find it more difficult every year that passes to continue to motivate myself to go stag or tagalong.

I cannot do it anymore.  I am tired.  Too tired to walk into one more room, situation, meeting, or business alone.  I am tired of meeting people by myself and then having to explain; being discriminated by the carpool lane; I am exhausted of standing in line alone and I am tired of sitting alone.  I am tired of the lonely ride home to an empty house.

I am annoyed that the world continues to live and move forward, while I, once again, just tag along.

But most of all I am tired of PRETENDING I am okay with being alone.

I am not.